Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)

I wonder how many people have Seasonal Affective Disorder and do not even know it. I truly do not like it if it rain without sun for three days in a row; it makes me less productive. There is just something about the sun that gives hope. WE need it. It seems as if the sun radiates positive energies to every corner it hits. On the other hand, there are many people who flock towards places where the sun doesn't show itself as much. The rainiest place in America right now is Mobile, Alabama. I have always heard that Portland and Seattle are very gloomy as well. I wouldn't want to live in a place like that. I would get very SAD (pun intended).

Gloomy and rainy is not my scene.

Prideful Begging

I was reading Blue Like Jazz today because I was struggling with forgiveness.

It's weird.

After I ask God for forgiveness, I don't feel like it didn't work, I actually feel peace.

I also don't feel like I'll go to hell after I sin (except when I say shit accidently, for some reason). No, that's a joke

I was at a Christian College for the past 6 years and I think that Legalism took hold, leaving an imprint that didn't seem to go away.

I've been stuck in this bubble for years, and It's slowing been driving me crazy.

It isn't the college's fault nor mine, I'm not sure who's fault it is... maybe the devil for perverting our relationship with Christ into a "you owe me" mentality. Love doesn't exist in legalism. It's not the way Jesus lovers should live.

The Blue Like Jazz chapter "grace" really made me think.

I'm tired of feeling like a failure every-time I sin.

Every-time I do something wrong, I imagine this huge man who, surrounded by puffy clouds, points his nicely manicured index finger at me and frowns in dismay.

I do believe that we suffer consequences from our sin, obviously, but sitting in your room crying and thinking you are a failure is not the way to go.

God has a gift for us, an undeserved gift nonetheless, but a gift.

"My life is not my own, I was bought with a price." We have a sinful nature, inevitably, we will sin. God knows that; that's why he invented forgiveness. And the crazy thing about it is that He expects nothing in return... nothing!

Forgiveness is not a process, but me accepting and understanding it really is!!!

I'll leave you with this good quote from Blue Like Jazz:

"But if I cannot accept God's love, I cannot love Him in return, and I cannot obey Him. Self-discipline will never make us feel righteous or clean; accepting God's love will."

Posting Pictures

Here are some pictures I took of my mother's garden. Black-eyed Susans, vincas, green tomatoes, and little garden angels... love it!

I'm not a natural blogger

Blogger is not my forte, but I think it's good for me to right down significant things that happen in my day to day life. Somethings you forget, but you shouldn't.

Some things I'm doing or thinking about right now:

Running a 2 mile race for the Wichita River Run on May 10th (I live in Kansas)

Recording three songs that I wrote with a friend who has a in home studio (for free!)

Thinking about getting a dog in Italy

Getting prepared to be a sponsored missionary at 7 Christian Camps this summer!

Thinking about individuals to partner financially for my ministry

Eating lunch

Listening to the lawn mowers outside my house (I like this sound, it reminds me of spring and summer)

That's about it right now....

On thing that has happened to day so far that I should remember:

I'm making a care package for my friend in Kenya... this is what he wants:

• powdered milk
• chocolate chips
• vanilla extract
• oven mittens
• Trail mix with dried fruit
• Velveeta Cheese
• Classic Literature
• Fingernail clippers
• Duct tape

What a random list.. these are some things that they don't have in Kenya, how sad

Here is how this happened

My Story:

            I started playing guitar and singing the second semester of my freshman year in college.  I started leading worship that following semester.  God has given me this gift to lead worship, which I used throughout my college career.  I majored in Cross-cultural ministry at MCC and knew that I was going to be a missionary someday.  I just didn’t know where, to whom, or how that was going to work out but I knew that God would provide a way. 

            My last semester at college I noticed that these two passions God gave me had collided and I didn’t know how I could use them both for His glory.  I went to the National Missionary Convention in November of 2007 and all of a sudden, my prayers were answered!  The president of MCC and my Missions professor both came up to me and handed me this slip of paper with the names John and Anne Blackburn on it.  They both said, “Brandi! This job is perfect for you; you need to go talk to these people at Team Expansion.”  So, I did.  At the time, I was enrolled in a Nursing program in Manhattan planning to attend CNA classes that following semester, so I was not really thinking of this as an opportunity or job.  I went to Team Expansion’s booth and met Matt and Angie Crosser and John and Anne Blackburn.  Matt was the leader of the Verona, Italy team and Angie, John and Anne were members of the team as well.  I had an interview with Matt and Angie Crosser about a position that needed to be filled for the Italy church plant (also called Go Verona).  The interview lasted for two hours; God was working and I was excited, confused and upset all at the same time.  I had plans! What are you doing God?  This is what he was doing.  Answering my prayer. 

            The Go Verona team was currently recruiting for the Music Outreach and Worship Ministry Role for the church plant.  It was right up my ally and simply a perfect position for me!  The next day I met with Matt and Angie again and they said that I was everything that they were looking for and wanted me to apply for the position.  That was it.  The answer that I have wanted for so long was starring me straight in the face.  For the next couple of months I prayed about what God wanted me to do and I decided to resign from nursing school and apply for the Go Verona worship position.  I was accepted April 21,2008 as an employee of Team Expansion and a member of the Go Verona team.

 

Entry #1

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